Now that you have read through the model essay with the comments on how that student met the standards, tell me how you might improve your next common task essay. What are some of the issues you need to address? What are the elements of an essay that you need to pay particular attention to the next time? Also, reflect on how the "Task Criteria" sheet may help you improve your essay.
Please post a response by Tuesday, April 7.
Good Luck Red Sox on Opening Day, 2009!
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23 comments:
Kelly Francisco
Now that I have read this model essay, I now have a more understanding on what meeting and exceeding standard means.On my previous essays I have trouble with connecting my thoughts to prior knowledge as well as the text. After reading this essay, I now have a better idea of what connecting really is. The model essay used alot of prior knowledge and even used statistics to back up her points. On my next essay I am going to try my hardest to tie more of my prior knowledge in and truly expand on it. Another way I'm going to imrpove my work is by going slower, and reading things over and more carefully. I tend to rush, and not read things carefully, and in the long run it really does hurt your grade sometimes. The model essay had hardly (if any) spelling errors or anything like that. On my next essay I am going to re-read my paper and make sure to eliminate as many errors as possible. Using the task criteria sheet can also benefit you and improve your work. The task criteria sheet clearly says what you need to do to meet standard. If you simply just read that paper, it can help you improve. Using that sheet helps you set up your essay using what you know you need to do to meet standard. I think the criteria sheet as well as reading this model essay is going to help me improve my next common task.
I see now after reading the model essay what i should do. My biggest issue is I know what i want to say its just i have alot of trouble getting my thoughts into an organized and structured sentence. I end up making the essay confusing for the reder. It's also a big time waster and then I;ll realize how much time I have left and end up rushing through the rest of the essay. From the model essay I can clearly see what prior knowledge means. On my next essay i'm going to make sure I study harder on the information and fully connect my statements to my prior knowledge, as seen in the model. I'm also going to do more of a job at looking at the ntask criteria sheet as I write, I tend to just read it once before I satrt and that's it.
After reading the model essay I felt that I had a better understanding of what you are looking for. It is easier to see the rubric applied then to just read the criteria. After reading the model essay I could clearly see what areas my essay was lacking in. like Kelly, I feel that I definitely need to work on connecting the prompt/ text to my prior knowledge or other documents I have read. I also need to back up the things I say with more supporting details to make my point stronger.
i would write my essay differently next time by adding certain information. i would reference the text a lot more because that show that i carefully read the text and i understand what is going on. it also show that i am using the information i got from the text. but most importantly, teachers seem to like that. i will make a lot of connections as well. they demonstrates my ability to incorporate my prior knowledge in with the document. that also shows that i have prior knowledge at my disposal. teachers seem to like that as well. the rubric can also help. after i finish i can evaluate all the points on the rubric and make sure that i wrote what was described as a four. like Kelly said, i will then check for spelling errors because teachers don't seem to like those.
Sarah Kelley
Now that I have read through the model essay which exceeded standards, I have a much clearer understanding of what is expected of my next common task. This time around I believe that I need to connect to my prior knowledge much more along with connecting to the provided documents. My thesis needs to be clearer, and I need to relate back to the text/prior knowledge in the sentences following it for support. Throughout the essay I need to be sure that I am arguing my opinion stated in the thesis…not to be “wishy washy.” The central question of the prompt also needs to be addressed as well as the opinion the author of the document took. The “Task Criteria” sheet may help me to improve my essay because a clear rubric of what is expected is provided.
I believe in my last couple off essays I have been lacking the ability to connect my prior knowledge to the text. After reading the examples giving while following a well balanced rubric, I believe I will be able to further my abilities. I have also noticed that some of the topics I may have introduced in the past went know where. I need to do a better job of developing and creating betting arguments.
Red sox rain out
Now that I have read the essay written by the mysterious smart person: who is in period six and was on the Spartan team for Athens and Sparta. Well whoever she is she must be bribing Mr. Yip with either money or smartness. Anyway her essay was phenomenal. What I liked most about it is that she had clearly defined points; most of my essays consist of a bunch of information crammed into the piece, to somehow woo our excellent history teacher into giving me a good grade. For a side note she should be reprimanded for working on this essay at home. There is no way she thought of all that and put it together in just two class periods (unless it was Katelyn’s mom). In my essays I think I could have a perspective that is more clearly defined and I could use more connections to make my piece more interesting. Using the task criteria may help me stay on track in my writing and help my formatting. When writing I tend to forget most common rules of the English language.
On the upcoming common task I hope to improvise on establishing prior knowledge. This is something I have a little bit of trouble with to remember because at times it may be too much information. However I would just need to extract the significant information and remember it rather than taking in miscellanious things. Also to make the orginizational structure as simple and legible as possible. The Task Criteria sheet pretty much addresses what factors I must focuse on to recieve a passing grade, which sums it up on how it helps me.
Now that I read the model essay I am feel inferior, but that is good so now I know what I need to work on for the future. Some of the problems I have had in the past with essays and this one does a good job of it is it really connects prior knowledge and not only that this person does it in a interesting way like doing the percents and in my essays I always just state the information I know. I feel now more than ever to really strive for that four!
Reading this example shows me where I need to focus on my next essay. First, I always miss in the area of adding prior knowledge to the essay. If I did this better it would create a big picture of the time period and make my thesis stand out better and make more sense. Also, I give examples, but never give enough analysis or critical thought to my examples. If I added a few more points to tie the essay together better it would make a huge difference in the essay as a whole. Second, my examples need to be stated at the beginning of the paragraphs in a more direct way so the essay is clearer. Sometimes I start to say the same thing over a few times and don’t make a clear point.
Meg
If i were to rewrite my essay I would have paid more attention to the rubric. I especially would have worked more on making connections, inferences and other ways to participate with the text. In the model essay, the writer did a great job of captivating the audience through valid connections. I think that this is the most important. I would also apply more prior knowledge to my essay as the model did.
As I read through the very well written essay, I looked back at my past essays and attempted to decifer what was lacking in my writing. The biggest fault I discovered was that I had no organization, I needed to Have a clear thesis, along with clear points of thought.I also need to connect my prior knowledge to the prompt. This I found to be a major issue and that it cost me a lot of points.I would also begin to in the future to go back and to reread both the prompt and the rubic and guidelines that will be provided. This will help me become a better understanding of my goal and the best route to acchieving it.
After reading the essay written by DORY ENRIGHT, I felt humiliated and at the same time relieved. I was humiliated because of the way that she wrote so well and how she managed to connect her prior knowledge so skillfully in with what was in the document. I was relieved because the essay was written by Dory, so duh, everyone's is going to be worse than Dory's. I mean if it was Peter Chau(STOP MAKING FUN OF MY LISP!!!!), it would make me feel like I'm an idiot or something, but since it's Dory it is okay. I think that the things I could imporve upon is definitly connecting prior knowledgge with the text, and also using the document to my advantage, like using evidence from the document to support my essay.
i have issues with being overly complicated, basically the same issue as john. my thought process is difficult to understand. the model was very straight to the point, i also need to merge the text, my prior knowledge with relevent information and the text.
After reading the model essay, I think I can see where i can definatly improve on my future essays. I think what really helped the model essay is how much prior knowledge she had which gave her more information to connect text to text and to the topic. An issue for me would be trying to connect thoughts, topics and other things together so thats what i would try to improve on my next essay. I also have trouble with intro paragraph so i learned quite a few tips from this model essay. The rubric will be like a guide and tell me what i need in the essay to meet or exceed standard.
Edward Cummins
I think my problem after reading this text is how I connect to my prior knowledge and how effectively make the essay flows with those connections. I should examine the rubrics closer then I did originally in my other essays. I merely looked at the rubrics and just started the question. I didn't put any thought of how I should set it us. That is how I should probably start off; I should thoroughly examine and analyze the rubric.
Matt Hoey
After reading Dory's college level essay, I know that there are points I need to work on. Such as really expressing my essay so the reader will keep reading, as well as not get confused. I have difficulty writing my essays because getting my thoughts on paper is like getting a camel through the eye of a needle. Also, I barely ever use my prior knowledge. This is because im a here and now type of guy. But, I do need to study harder so that my prior knowledge will get me a better grade on the rubric. Most of the time, i will work hard on the first 3 paragraphs, and then just try and get through the rest. I am a very intelligent person, but i am lazy and have trouble showing off my intelligence. So now i should maybe try and show in my essay by using the task criteria sheet because i never use that AT ALL either. Ill do better next time Mr. Yip, just watch.
Although it is nearly impossible to top the "student's" essay, I have learned from it. I think I should refrence my prior knowledge more in this essay than I have in the past. That should help a lot considering I'm pretty familiar with the three religions we have learned about in class.
Sorry about the late blog. I completely forgot about it! It's softball season, so my grades start to slip a little bit.
After reading this essay, it pretty much confirmed that my writing stinks. On the other hand Dory's mom is an english teacher so Dory already has the english genes in her. I have the math genes, definitely not writing. I really need to improve on connecting back my eveidence to my thesis. Also, I need to work on adding more of my opinion to my essay. In my essay I need to write less pointless details and more details that sum everything up in a sentence or two, Like Dory did. My essays are usually very lengthy, which isn't always the best thing. The task criteria sheet can help because it is a good reminder while you are writing your essay to check if you are doing it right. Well, that's my opinion on it at least.
My future essays can be greatly improved in many ways. Before in my previous essays I made many mistakes, one of which is that I didn't understand fully the document I was writing about. I feel that if I am able to better understand the document, I can create a better understanding and uses of connections to myself, other texts and the world. Another mistake I made on previous essays, was not using the task criteria sheet as extensivley as I should have. The next essay I will use all of my given resources to the full extent. By doing this, I will be able to better my writing to exceed the standards.
i can improve my essay by connecting all my points so it doesnt sound like random facts. also these facts should be connected to prior knowledge and experience. but it should be done in a way that is your own, and not an imatation of other essays. its also important to meet all the indicators on the task criteria sheet. i could read through it so i would meet all of them.
I wasn't here on monday, so i cannot blog here effectively. However i would like to say that i AM blogging, however skimpily. Mr. Yip if you would like, i will read everything through in class today, the blog again to the actual topic.
One of my problems is that i write my essays, then by the end, I totally lose where I'm going with it. The whole focus might just shift, or i'll start going off on tangents. I put in too much detail, and usually in an effort to try and make my thesis a "4", I'll just end up confusing myself. T combat said problem, I will plan out the essay, instead writing thought to paper.
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